i'm in love

in a deep love.

in a deep deep love.

in a deep deep deep love.

with SNSD. =D

I lied.

I've brought disgrace to myself.

I've brought disgrace to my family.

I told a lie.

I told a teeny weeny lie to a friend.

Kill me.

Slap me.

No wait, dont kill me.

So here is how the story goes..

I was playing a game with a friend of mine, AP. We were quizzing each other. I answered most of AP's questions correctly, and i made him think that i'm very smart.

But then, i cheated. I didnt do it myself.

Instead,

I googled.

Like what Pastor once said, thank God for the Internet. =D

ihateme.

I hate my pride.

What a miracle.

I am now sitting alone in a small room, facing the screen of papa's old laptop. Eventhough it's old, there's little stains on it and the battery dries up really fast, i still prefer this more than the new one. It's still drizzling outside, i'm feeling a little cold, but i'm still eating ice cream. McFlurry Oreo, i love it to bits. <3

I'm happy, really happy, coz my schedule is packed with things i love doing. Nscfl camp in the end of November, then there's cakp camp, 2 of them maybe, Singapore trip in the mid of December, Christmas, last but not least Huge camp in the end of December. It will be my first time in nscfl camp, i cant wait to meet the people there, it's a 5- days camp and i'm sure i'm gonna have much fun. I was suppose to take cakp test this year, but since most probably i'm going singapore next year, no use taking anymore, but i can still take part in my friends' camp, be their member and help them out, now i need to find a way to explain to the teachers why i'm not taking the test. D= I'm still waiting for the school placement letter, i hope i get a good school, it'll be somewhere around hillview i think. After getting the letter i need to report myself in the new school and also the hostel, i admit i'm a bit afraid of what's gonna happen, but i can do it. I know i can. =) Christmas... Ahhh~ Dont we just love christmas. I'm performing a dance in church this year. Teehee. Huge camp is gonna be a blast! I'm sure of it. Cant wait to meet up with the people i met in huge camp last year, they are all so kind and nice.

I might be starting school in Singapore in February next year, that is if everything goes as planned. That means i still have a chance to spend like a week with my friends in cbn, settle everything here, prepare myself for the adventures ahead, before i fly to New Zealand for 1o days. And then when i come back, it's chinese new year. Oh how i love receiving ang paos! $.$ After cny, i'm heading to Singapore to start another new chapter in my life. ;)

Let's just hope everything goes as i planned it, ok?

And right now, i need to start studying since everyone says the education system in singapore is harder. Then i need to do log books to get more badges, just so i look cooler when i'm in NZ. XD And finish all my storybooks! I'm left with Impression, 10 reasons not to fall in love, The five people you meet in heaven and The age of orphans. 3 down, 4 more to go.

Let the adventure begin!

Just keep going.

Have you ever had the experience of, before even starting a new task, you're already feeling like giving up.
That's exactly what i'm experiencing now...
Maybe i'm dreaming too big, maybe i should just stay wherever i am now and go with the flow, just play safe.
But i'm not like that, i dont wanna be, i always wanted to try something new, and now i'm given the chance. If i give up now, someday i'm going to look back and regret, i know i will. I may not be as smart as the scholars, but i'll work hard. I promise myself. The future is not a bed of roses for me, but i'm willing to accept the challege. I can do it, because God is with me.
I just have to keep swimming if i dont wanna drown.
And now.. i need to find a way to terminate my trip to new zealand. Ouch.

Fingers crossed.

I'm hoping that I can study in Singapore and also go to the camp in New Zealand. But am i asking too much?

Oh no.

I think i'm leaving. Need to start studying again. -.-

No.

I'm not okay. I've never been.

Trying too hard.

Pmr ended a week ago. I'm free now. NOT! I'm starting with my bintang 1, 2 more log books left. I'd rather study for an exam than doing all this, it's stressing, tiring and boring. D=

I feel like a coward, seriously. I want to try many things, i want to improve myself in many ways, but i'm afraid to leave my comfort zone. Or should i say, i'm afraid to fail. Stewpit me, for always having the pride.

Which makes me think.. Is all 15 years old teenagers like this? Always stressing themself up with piles and piles of work, staying up late just to get all the work done before the sun rises up again. I feel different.. When all my other friends can just hang out whenever they want, i need to check my calender everytime they ask me out. Should a kid like me live this kind of life? It's not fun.. at all.

And i'm thinking again.. Am i trying to hard? I'm a perfectionist, but is there any way not to be one. I'm always trying to be the perfect daughter for my parents. I study hard, i dont break rules and i follow exactly what they say (at least most of the time i do). I try to be the perfect friend, the perfect student and even the perfect neighbour. -.- There's this neighbour of mine who really pisses me off, but still i've never said no whenever she asks for help, again and again. Maybe i'm just a coward, but whatever, it's not the point here. And now.. i'm trying hard to be the perfect vice president for my school cf, which makes me feel like a big failure since i dont think i'm doing enough, i dont think i'm even doing anything actually. Ishhh.. I suck.

I think i should try harder then. =/