Judgement Day

Hell Week just ended and today's the first on two judgement days.
Things didnt go pretty well, especially for English and Combined Humans.
So O Lord, please please please, let everything turn out as i want it to be.
Please please please.

Getaway

I want to go solo,
to a place far faraway.
Bringing nothing but my passport and camera.
To a place where no one will find me, no one recognises me.
And live a life, a carefree one.
Maybe a little wild, a little crazy.
Just for the weekend.
And when it's time,
i'll come back,
back to reality.

Lol at myself.

Many a times, I scare myself and make myself worry for no apparent reasons.

Term 3 ended.

In a blink of an eye, term 3 has ended. Generally, this is the best term so far in this year. I became more productive in my studies and cca, and also closer to my new friends here. So, a list of things I did (only those I still remember)..

Hmmm.. I celebrated Singapore national day with the nanyang community centre people. All the hard work paid off as our contigent did the best for drill, at least that's what I was told. Anyways, there was awesome e fireworks, but I'm still quite disappointed that I wasn't selected to join cheer, she promised she would let me. Whatever.. =.=

I also joined the national games opening ceremony, it was at yishun. I think it's my first time going there, but the place looked like it's still under construction though. Hahahaha. The bus ride back was epic! Had so much fun joking around with Dom, Reshma and Sharin. But this time they forgot bout me and gave my tee to another girl. What the.. And I really so invincible?

Enough said on cca, alicia came to visit me during the raya hols. We went to town but was quite disappointed since most of the shops in bugis were closed then. =.= We still manage to go to the Harry potter exhibition, plus with a good deal, which resulted in 12 cans of coke sitting on my racks, I think I have like 9 left. Hahahaha. Mbs is so pwetty I cant even.

My ca2 is better than my sa1, but still not quite the grades I want. End of years is in like a month, so I have to work hard now. Gonna study physics tomorrow. Okay a deal with myself.. If I finish 6 chapters of physics before I sleep tomorrow, I can have McCafe cheesecake for breakfast on Tuesday morning. Deal!

Anyways, I'm going home on Wednesday morning. So Tuesday I'll do some packing and study the remaining chapters. Hwaitting!

This week was a disaster, and still is.

I did pretty bad for my mye. I wanted straight A1s but i've already gotten B3 for english and combined humans. And i failed my social studies. Like seriously, moments like this, i wonder will i have done better if i stayed at home. The school here is tougher and more stressful, so is girls brigade compared to other CCAs. But i've chosen this road and i have no other choice but to stick with it.
I reap what i sow. Guess i have to work harder in term 3. =(
Stress. Seriously.

MYE.

Mid year's starting this Thursday. I'm not prepared, especially for Chem and A Maths.

I suck in mole calculations.

I'm really really scared.

Oh Lord, i need your help. Please.

Oh well.

Chem and physics test tomorrow.
Add maths test on tuesday.
It's only the 6th week of term 2 but it'll be my second test for all of the four subjects.
And then.. i still have my mid years on week 7 and week 8.

Sometimes, i ask myself what made me want to come here so much last year. Still, no regrets. I cant afford to have any.

Slack all the way for week 9 and 10. And then i'm home.

Two more weeks.

11 pages left for history, should finish them by today but i'm too tired right now. Physics tomorrow, i think i can still catch up since there's only 5 chapters.

Being the vice chairperson for my class wasnt as easy as i thought. Meeting with the student councils, teachers and principal tomorrow. And i'm representing the sec 3s to share the proposal. Damn. I need to do well in this, you dont want the principal to leave a bad impression on you. Do you?

Mum's coming tomorrow. Excited!

It just doesnt feel right.

I know this sounds weird, but i used to study because i love to. I like the feeling that i've gained more knowledge and hence, become smarter than i was a few seconds ago.

But now, i feel like i study because i owe it to my parents. They have high expectations for me and i feel guilty not doing good. I dont have the passion anymore. It's more like a 'have to' instead of 'want to'.

But then again, that's the only thing i can do well at.

Oh shit.

I screwed up today's maths paper. Just hope i still can get an A.

Damn my life.

Gonna go study physics now, again.

I dont get it.

Why must some people make life so complicated?

Breaking up with your partner doesnt give you the right to end your own life. Hey please, you're friggin 16.

I'm 16, and i love my life.

I cant say my life is perfect. Well, it's pretty stressful sometimes, and since i have to handle everything myself now. Yes, that includes settling my own bills.

But look at the bright side, i'm an independant kid!

Awesome, aint it?

I wish time could fly faster.

Mid year exam is in a month. I dont feel motivated at all.

I cant wait to go university. I cant wait to work. I cant wait to earn my own money.

I want to grow up, faster.

I'm getting fed up of life now.

How long can i stay like this?

I finished reading A Walk To Remember, by Nicholas Sparks. It's a really good book and i only took 2 days to finish it off. I teared twice while reading the last part of the book. It was sad. Really sad.

And then when i was saying my prayer, preparing to sleep, i cried.

The last time i cried wasnt too long ago, about 3 weeks. It was the day i reached singapore again after the term break. After a week surrounded by family and friends, the feeling of loneliness rushed into my heart as i put my luggage down in my room. Another 5 weekends till my mum's visit was how i comforted myself, but it didnt help much. I cried, but still pretended to be okay when my parents called to check if i was alright.

And just now, i cried again. The reason behind it: fear.

I'm not sure how long am i going to stay here. Till i finish my O level, 2 years? Till i finish university, 8 years? Till forever, infinity? And the thought that i can only see the people i love every 3 months scare me. What if this goes on for the rest of my life? Am i going to cry after every visit home? Am i going to countdown everyweekend and anticipate the day i could see my mum again? What about the memories with my family, are they just gonna stop till i'm 15?

I'm not even 16, i meet my family every 3 months, and i'm afraid that someday.. maybe someday.. i'll forget how they look like and how they act. And that my family wont be so important to me anymore..

And i dont want that day to come, ever.

I love Singapore. Everything here is awesome. But then, Malaysia will always be my home.

And i miss home, i really do.

My goals for Term 2

1. Study every weekday.
10 E maths questions, 10 A maths question, and per subject a day. I need to prepare myself for mid year exams which is like in.. 6 weeks! Intensive training!

2. Finish per book every week
It's not just because i love reading and that my life is pretty boring, but i seriously need to improve my english if i wanna get A for mid year. My teacher's pretty strict and i dont think there's any other way to improve my english. However i'm pretty poor now so my only source will be the library. Thank God my school library has good books. =)

3. Jog every Sunday morning
My 2.4km run test is on the first week of April, i dont have much time left to build up my stamina. And this can also prevent me from feeling sleepy during church service. Two birds at one shot!

4. Jog as often as i can
My schedule is pretty pack but i'll try to make time.

That's pretty much everything. Go! Fight! Win!

Term Break 1

Time: oo 55
Listening to: Safe and Cound- Taylor Swift ft. The Civil War
Mood: Neutral

Holidays for Term 1 started last weeked and there's only 3 more days left. Time flies, especially when you're having fun. I'm leaving on Saturday noon, one and a half day left for me to be at home. =(

The 10 weeks of term 1 had been really productive to me. I spent 2 weeks in New Zealand. It's a really nice place to me and i'm sure i wanna go back someday. Maybe not for guiding and during summer anymore, but certainly for the beautiful sceneries and shopping. ;) Another 8 weeks were spent in Singapore, where i studied really hard (i think) for my CA 1 results, which i think i did pretty good. I'm not the best in class, lost to a guy from Vietnam, but i did my best so.. oh well.

I'm taking 7 subjects, English, Mother Tongue (Malay), E Maths, A Maths, Chemistry, Physics and Combined Humanities (History+ Social Studies). I've got A1s for everything except English, a B3. I still think i can improve though, so i'll certainly study harder for Term 2- mid year exams.

For my holidays, i came back to Malaysia. I was back during week 2 to catch the flight to New Zealand but i stayed at home for like.. 7 hours only, so not counted! XD So for this time, I was really excited and happy. My dad wanted me to study during my term break but PURR-LEASEEEE! Of course i didnt do it. =P I mean, i've studied for the whole term already, cant i have a break?!

So a week was spent like this:
Saturday- Reached home at 10pm. Drank soup (like finally). Unpacked. Slept.
Sunday- Went to church. I was so happy to meet up with everyone. Sadly Justin, Alvin and Regina werent there. =( They are good friends of mine and it'd be great if i can see them. Went to klcc with shyen. Gossiped a lot and watched Seefood. Y WE NO WATCH LORAX INSTEAD? Regretted it, totally. Went back for dinner. I <3 home cooked food.
Monday- Was with mummy at her office the whole day. -,-
Tuesday- Went back to Petaling Street to meet up with my friends from mbs. Then watched Ghost Rider 2 with Alicia. Mehhh, not that nais.
Wednesday- Went out with cbn friends and watched John Carter. IT WAS SUPERB! Breakfast at Starbucks alone and lunch at Sushi King with my friends. I'm in need of cash, seriously. Spent too much going out with my friends and my parents didnt give me any ringgit this week. All i had was rm50 which i brought back myself from singapore and a rm20 angpau i found in my drawer. HAHAHA. Reached home quite early since my friends had tuition. Read A Prisoner of Birth, finished it in 4 days. 600+ pages so i think i just broke my own record.
Thurday- Stayed home the whole day. Watched You Are The Apple Of My Eye and Orphans alone. Did the laundry and the dishes. Studied a bit of Physics.

So that's pretty much what i did the past few days. Tomorrow's my last day so i'll try to spend it wisely. I wont be back till the mid year hols so.. Ciao!

Seriously?

Just sat for a GAT. 60 questions in 20 minutes. Ikr.

Reflection of the day.

So today was like any other ordinary day. School was okay. The A Maths teacher taught today was confusing, i can catch up but i hope it will stay in my mind forever. Cheer leading class after school was really fun, i finally get to be the flyer! But then it's just a class to keep us fit and healthy, not preparing for any competitions, i dont feel syiok enough. I really like cheer, but i dont get the chance to join, maybe someday. We'll see.

Did A maths revision after school today. Oh dear, i totally suck it in. =( Cannot! Must get A1!

My goals.

New evironment, new goals. Aint it?

1. To meet many new friends.
Well, i think i've achieved 50% for this one already. Most of my friends here are international students too. I'm closer to a guy from Johor, a guy from Vietnam, a guy from Burma, a guy and a girl from the Phillipines, two girls from China and a few locals. I feel so United Nation-ish.
And then there's the people from church, i'm currently attending Victory Family Centre now.

2. Get A1 for all my test.
This is a bit hard though. Since i got A2 for E Maths and A Maths, and i failed my English. Well, seems like I really have to work harder now.

3. Be active in CCA.
Hopefully A1 too, just in case.

4. Discover Singapore.
Isnt that why i'm here? XD

5. Get into a top JC and then Nus, maybe.
Still a long way to go.

History test tomorrow, gotta go revise now, Tata~

More than a month

I cant believe the last time i posted something on this boring blog of mine was more than a month ago. I've been here for quite some time now settled down,got used to here, created new friendships, found a new church to be a part of their family.

A month ago, if you ask me whether i wanna go back KL, back to my normal life, i'd definitely say YES. But now, NO, a big NO. Why? Because life here has been great! I'm given the chance to do many things i cant do back home. The teachers here showed more love than any of the teachers that taught me for the past 15 years. There's cctv everywhere so i'm not afraid of going out alone.

But still, it'd be a lie if i say i dont miss home. Of course i do! I miss the nights i chat with my sister on our beds. I miss the time i chat nonsenses with my girlfriends in school. I miss the time we played in HG and church.

So? Whether you like it or not, life goes on. Since i'm here already, and i really do believe God put me here, so i better live the fullest of it!

First Day Here

Greetings all the way from Singapore! It's my first day here, everything has been really great so far. I love my room! Although it's a bit small, and there's no air cond, but i have everything i need here, well almost. =P I went walking around with mummy today, going out again tomorrow. Gotta get myself use to the place here before mummy leaves.

School starts on Tuesday. I'm worried and excited at the same time. Some part of me is like.. 'Yay! This is what i've been waiting for!', whereas there's some part that's like 'What if things dont go right??'. Anyways, since God led me here, i believe He'll plan everything for me. So i'll just do my best and surrender everything else to Him. Sui Li is right, i shouldnt worry so much.

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.