Trying too hard.

Pmr ended a week ago. I'm free now. NOT! I'm starting with my bintang 1, 2 more log books left. I'd rather study for an exam than doing all this, it's stressing, tiring and boring. D=

I feel like a coward, seriously. I want to try many things, i want to improve myself in many ways, but i'm afraid to leave my comfort zone. Or should i say, i'm afraid to fail. Stewpit me, for always having the pride.

Which makes me think.. Is all 15 years old teenagers like this? Always stressing themself up with piles and piles of work, staying up late just to get all the work done before the sun rises up again. I feel different.. When all my other friends can just hang out whenever they want, i need to check my calender everytime they ask me out. Should a kid like me live this kind of life? It's not fun.. at all.

And i'm thinking again.. Am i trying to hard? I'm a perfectionist, but is there any way not to be one. I'm always trying to be the perfect daughter for my parents. I study hard, i dont break rules and i follow exactly what they say (at least most of the time i do). I try to be the perfect friend, the perfect student and even the perfect neighbour. -.- There's this neighbour of mine who really pisses me off, but still i've never said no whenever she asks for help, again and again. Maybe i'm just a coward, but whatever, it's not the point here. And now.. i'm trying hard to be the perfect vice president for my school cf, which makes me feel like a big failure since i dont think i'm doing enough, i dont think i'm even doing anything actually. Ishhh.. I suck.

I think i should try harder then. =/