Oh well.

Chem and physics test tomorrow.
Add maths test on tuesday.
It's only the 6th week of term 2 but it'll be my second test for all of the four subjects.
And then.. i still have my mid years on week 7 and week 8.

Sometimes, i ask myself what made me want to come here so much last year. Still, no regrets. I cant afford to have any.

Slack all the way for week 9 and 10. And then i'm home.

Two more weeks.

11 pages left for history, should finish them by today but i'm too tired right now. Physics tomorrow, i think i can still catch up since there's only 5 chapters.

Being the vice chairperson for my class wasnt as easy as i thought. Meeting with the student councils, teachers and principal tomorrow. And i'm representing the sec 3s to share the proposal. Damn. I need to do well in this, you dont want the principal to leave a bad impression on you. Do you?

Mum's coming tomorrow. Excited!

It just doesnt feel right.

I know this sounds weird, but i used to study because i love to. I like the feeling that i've gained more knowledge and hence, become smarter than i was a few seconds ago.

But now, i feel like i study because i owe it to my parents. They have high expectations for me and i feel guilty not doing good. I dont have the passion anymore. It's more like a 'have to' instead of 'want to'.

But then again, that's the only thing i can do well at.

Oh shit.

I screwed up today's maths paper. Just hope i still can get an A.

Damn my life.

Gonna go study physics now, again.

I dont get it.

Why must some people make life so complicated?

Breaking up with your partner doesnt give you the right to end your own life. Hey please, you're friggin 16.

I'm 16, and i love my life.

I cant say my life is perfect. Well, it's pretty stressful sometimes, and since i have to handle everything myself now. Yes, that includes settling my own bills.

But look at the bright side, i'm an independant kid!

Awesome, aint it?

I wish time could fly faster.

Mid year exam is in a month. I dont feel motivated at all.

I cant wait to go university. I cant wait to work. I cant wait to earn my own money.

I want to grow up, faster.

I'm getting fed up of life now.

How long can i stay like this?

I finished reading A Walk To Remember, by Nicholas Sparks. It's a really good book and i only took 2 days to finish it off. I teared twice while reading the last part of the book. It was sad. Really sad.

And then when i was saying my prayer, preparing to sleep, i cried.

The last time i cried wasnt too long ago, about 3 weeks. It was the day i reached singapore again after the term break. After a week surrounded by family and friends, the feeling of loneliness rushed into my heart as i put my luggage down in my room. Another 5 weekends till my mum's visit was how i comforted myself, but it didnt help much. I cried, but still pretended to be okay when my parents called to check if i was alright.

And just now, i cried again. The reason behind it: fear.

I'm not sure how long am i going to stay here. Till i finish my O level, 2 years? Till i finish university, 8 years? Till forever, infinity? And the thought that i can only see the people i love every 3 months scare me. What if this goes on for the rest of my life? Am i going to cry after every visit home? Am i going to countdown everyweekend and anticipate the day i could see my mum again? What about the memories with my family, are they just gonna stop till i'm 15?

I'm not even 16, i meet my family every 3 months, and i'm afraid that someday.. maybe someday.. i'll forget how they look like and how they act. And that my family wont be so important to me anymore..

And i dont want that day to come, ever.

I love Singapore. Everything here is awesome. But then, Malaysia will always be my home.

And i miss home, i really do.