How long can i stay like this?

I finished reading A Walk To Remember, by Nicholas Sparks. It's a really good book and i only took 2 days to finish it off. I teared twice while reading the last part of the book. It was sad. Really sad.

And then when i was saying my prayer, preparing to sleep, i cried.

The last time i cried wasnt too long ago, about 3 weeks. It was the day i reached singapore again after the term break. After a week surrounded by family and friends, the feeling of loneliness rushed into my heart as i put my luggage down in my room. Another 5 weekends till my mum's visit was how i comforted myself, but it didnt help much. I cried, but still pretended to be okay when my parents called to check if i was alright.

And just now, i cried again. The reason behind it: fear.

I'm not sure how long am i going to stay here. Till i finish my O level, 2 years? Till i finish university, 8 years? Till forever, infinity? And the thought that i can only see the people i love every 3 months scare me. What if this goes on for the rest of my life? Am i going to cry after every visit home? Am i going to countdown everyweekend and anticipate the day i could see my mum again? What about the memories with my family, are they just gonna stop till i'm 15?

I'm not even 16, i meet my family every 3 months, and i'm afraid that someday.. maybe someday.. i'll forget how they look like and how they act. And that my family wont be so important to me anymore..

And i dont want that day to come, ever.

I love Singapore. Everything here is awesome. But then, Malaysia will always be my home.

And i miss home, i really do.